To get 'a head' in life

Case # 3652-C

(Not an actual case #) (Names are changed to protect the dead)

Do you ever imagine what it would be like to die in a horrific car accident? Marcus Welby never thought his life would end so tragically. On the bright side, I would imagine he didn't suffer much.

Marcus was a 27 year old film student. He was cruising down PCH in his convertible, music blaring and bluetooth in his ear. Driving erratically, he failed to notice the 18-wheeler ahead of him coming to a stop. Marcus slammed on his brakes, but to no avail, he slammed into the back of the truck. The metal sheering off the hood of his new convertible, going through the windshield, and finally, taking off his head. His bluetooth still attached to his ear, flashing that blue light.

I get a call to go pick Marcus up from the coroner's office. I go through the usual processes: paperwork, identify the body, gather personal belongings. I put the gurneys side by side, no clue that he is decapitated. I go to move the body, and his head rolls right off of the table. It's going to hit the floor, and for some reason I am worried about it smashing open or some other unsightly consequence. I instinctively put my foot out to break its fall...and then think "what the hell did I do that for?' I pick the head back up by the hair, like a mom picking up her kitten by the scruff of the neck. I put it into the body bag and zip it up. I head back to the office.

This incident prompts me to share a vital piece of information with you all. If you are going to rear end an 18-wheeler, or any other type of giant truck, do me a favor, actually do yourself a favor. RECLINE YOUR SEAT!! Seriously, put your seat back as fast as you can and save yourself the pain of having your head chopped off. You probably won't escape total injury, but it will save someone from having to wander up and down the road trying to find your head.

So, take my advice.